Running and Freedom

Running feels like freedom for me. It always has. There is something about the mental and physical battle that your body goes through to do a run– from making yourself get out of bed in the morning, get dressed, lace up your shoes, and then run–all of it produces in me a feeling of contentment, of joy. It doesn’t feel like joy when I want to stay in bed, or want to have my cup of coffee and read a book instead. But when I’ve pushed myself and chosen it, there is a contentment and a joy that comes after.

For many years, running felt impossible for my life. I have had issues with chronic leg pain since I was a child. Add on an intense work schedule after law school, and then having 5 kids in 7 years and running seemed like it would simply remain something from my past. But just like all of my excuses had come, they were suddenly gone. As of April 2020, I didn’t have that job anymore, I had weaned my last baby, and Austin was working from home because of COVID. I don’t think I’ll ever forget sitting in the Montgomery Kroger parking lot with my sister-in-law. Talking at a 6-foot distance while the kids waved to their cousins from the car. We were talking about how we each wanted to focus more on heathy lifestyles. And just like that, I spit out a truth that was a turning point for me: “If I won’t do it now, I might as well admit that I never will.” At this point I had six bins of clothes in the basement that were too small and I was tired of them taking up space. It was now or never, no more excuses. I ordered new running shoes, I started eating better, and finally, after all this time– I did it. I chose to do those runs 3 times a week. Even when it hurt, even when I didn’t want to, and even when I could only make it two very slow miles. And you know what, just like they say, it got easier. And I started to love it again. I found that I craved that time. The feeling of lacing up my shoes and stepping out onto the pavement. Over time it felt more enjoyable and I got faster and I could go farther. Combining running with eating well meant that I lost 30 lbs. over the next few months. Now those clothes in the basement fit and I feel far better physically than I did before.

But there’s more to it than that. There is no other place in my life where I can replicate the feeling that running provides. I don’t know if it’s because it is structured alone time where no one will interrupt me. Or because of the natural stress relief that aerobic exercise provides. Or because running has always been a place where my head feels clear and I can think. It’s also a place where I hear God’s voice the loudest in my life. Physical movement helps me to process my thoughts. I get my best ideas on a walk or a run. Issues that seemed so complicated and difficult, will suddenly seem simple and clear when I’m moving my body.

A few weeks ago I went through a 2 week period where I did not run. I was battling a migraine and felt like running might make it worse. I’m not sure about the migraine, but I know for sure that my stress level and irritability were far higher during this period. I was more likely to lose my temper with my children. All around, I struggled to maintain an inner calm. And then, I went for a run. And I remembered that putting my body through that intentional stress, a stress that ultimately ends, helps me regulate myself mentally and emotionally. Harvard health states that “[r]egular aerobic exercise will bring remarkable changes to your body, your metabolism, your heart, and your spirits. It has a unique capacity to exhilarate and relax, to provide stimulation and calm, to counter depression and dissipate stress.” We all know this as an academic thought. But do you really know this, in your heart? Can you identify the physical and mental benefits that you have specifically experienced through physical exercise? It may not be running for you, but I feel confident that each of us has something that we can do physically with our bodies that produces these same effects. If you aren’t in the habit, take a step today. Take a step towards physically exerting your body through exercise. I promise you that with time, you will see more than just physical benefits. It’s worth the struggle.