School.

School starts tomorrow. It is officially the last day of summer. Shockingly, another summer has gone by. It happened so fast, it feels like it shouldn’t even be July yet. This year we have kids entering 3rd, 2nd, and 1st grade as well as a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old at home. While I am quite sad that summer is coming to an end, I am excited about the school year. I have already “geeked out” on Michael’s grammar book and am excited to learn his history and bible right alongside him. I have been reminded in the last week that my Lizzie is an incredibly hard worker and is an absolutely delightful student. And Eliana, well, no one is more excited for school and friendships than Eliana. She is a naturally great friend and she loves to love on others. So I’m excited for them to start a new school year, to make new friendships, to grow old friendships deeper, to learn, and to grow. And yet, I also felt slightly crushed as I watched the leaves fall into the creek on Saturday, as we celebrated a young girl going off to college yesterday, as we packed our backpacks here this morning. The lunch boxes are washed (yes, did you know you can wash a PB lunchbox in the washing machine and it comes out looking brand new? I did not, until yesterday). The backpacks are packed (mostly) and uniforms are clean. And yet, I long for more summer.

Summer represents a carefree time in our house. There is ample time to play in the backyard, roam a creek, hike a new trail, play with neighbors and friends. It is loose and free– summer is naps in the hammock and popsicles in the heat of the afternoon. It is riding bikes down the lane and kids eating tomatoes and mint right out of my neighbor’s garden. It is lovely and joyful, it is full of a freedom that I long for. And yet, I know we weren’t made to have this freedom be a constant. I can see it in my kids. In the last few weeks, they have been bickering more, they are less grateful for the fun things that we do, and they seem to continually ask for more and more. They are restless. In their hearts there is a need for something else, something that they don’t currently have.

After months of free time and play, they have a need for more discipline and structure. God made us this way. In the garden, before anything went wrong with the serpent, God told Adam and Eve to work and cultivate the garden (Genesis 2:15-25). He made us to be productive, to work and to cultivate, to create and to learn. While I am a big fan of play as work for children, I can see in my older ones that there is a need for more. More structure, more discipline, more intentional study and challenge. I think we can see this in ourselves too. While we might think we want to have the freedom to be lazy, to watch TV, to just relax and scroll facebook, too much of these things actually makes us feel restless. We end up feeling more tired and crabby. Believe it or not, we feel better when we are productive. When you get up and get that house project done, when you sit down with that book you’ve been meaning to read for 2 months (or 2 years), when you go for that run or a walk. It’s amazing that we fight these things so much, and yet, we feel so good when we’ve done them. There is something here, a truth that we often ignore. Discipline, structure, productivity– these things can bring joy. It’s all a balance, a tension that is hard for us to live in at times. Too much discipline and structure is stifling, but too much free time and play makes us restless.

So, while our summer was full of wonderful things and was a good break from the daily grind of school, I welcome a return to structure, discipline, and intentional learning. For the kids, but also for me. Our summer was full of good and edifying things, things that are worthwhile and lovely. But there is still a restlessness that has creeped in after months with little structure and discipline. This is a restlessness that God put in our hearts that reminds us that He made us to work. So for today, we will enjoy one last day of summer. We are headed to the zoo this morning if the rain holds off, a rainy day fort will be built here at the house if it does not. I’m hoping to hit up 50 West this evening for burgers, floats, and sand. One final day enjoying the freedom and ease of a lovely summer. But tomorrow, I will wake up early, I will pack lunches and double check backpacks. I will help them get ready for a another first day. And life will shift, we will go back to the discipline and daily “grind” of another school year. And I will be thankful, but also a little sad. Because that is the tension. That is the way that God has designed us, and it is good.

One final thought. When I think about this tension between the desire for free time and leisure and the inward desire for productivity and structure, I think of that passage in Ecclesiastes. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1. The entire passage is a worth a read– you can read it here. This passage reminds me that there is a time for everything. A time for laid back, fun filled, leisurely days. And a time for structure, work, and intentional learning. As we make the shift into the latter, I’m thankful for a beautiful summer while I rejoice in what we hope is an equally beautiful school year.