Delight in Them
It is a beautiful rainy morning here at the Musser house. And that’s saying a lot, since I don’ t sleep well when it rains during the night. Many of you have probably heard this before, but our bedroom does not have an attic space or another floor over it, just a great big tree. So when it rains the sound of the rain on the roof is quite loud and not rhythmic (because of the tree). Of course, this probably wouldn’t disturb a normal person, but alas, once I hear it I find it pretty difficult to get a good night’s sleep. Anyway, it’s a beautiful morning like I said, because we Mussers are free today! We had all negative COVID tests before bed last night and we are all excited to move on with life this morning. We still have many friends in quarantine and we are praying for them and thinking of them while we run out the door this morning, thankful to live in a place where we have the freedom and safety to leave our homes.
Today is the last day that I plan to talk about this difficult topic of anger. And this one is a bit different, but it’s the clincher: I learned how to be slower to anger when I learned how to again delight in my children. Of course I delighted in them before but something happened along the way. Somewhere between the 3 moves, thousands of diapers, potty training, character training, meal prep, getting them to eat, getting them to sleep, etc . . . somewhere I forgot to enjoy it. I became so concerned with discipline and teaching and doing all the things, that I forgot to stop and delight in them. I was so busy getting everything done and trying to do the right thing in each situation that I missed a lot. The good, beautiful, and lovely kept racing by me in their sweet faces but I didn’t see it.
Each of my kids is unique, God made each one to be his or her own, specific person. It has been clear to us from very early on that their personalities are distinct and that they “came with the package” so to speak. This is delightful, it should bring joy and fun and laughter. Our team is better because each member has different strengths (and weaknesses). This is just like Paul says about the church, “from [Christ] the whole body, fitted and held together by ever supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love through the work of each individual part.” Ephesians 4:16 (also see Romans 12:4-5). God made each member of our team to work together for the good of the whole. We are at our best when we are able to remember and utilize each member’s strengths. Now, giftings tend to come with potential pitfalls and unfortunately I am usually much more capable of seeing those than seeing the gifts. But this is something that I realized was a problem and in order to fix it, in order to spend more time encouraging giftings and less time criticizing pitfalls, I had to shift my focus, change my mindset. So, instead of repeating the negative in my head, I repeated the strengths, I repeated the good and the lovely and the beautiful (Phil. 4:8-9). I looked for these things instead of just the bad things (marble jars help with that– see my post on that here). I started calling out all the good things to myself and to them.
In order to be able to repeat their giftings, to shift your focus, you need to identify them. Write them down. Ask God to help you see them this week. I’ll write more on giftings next week, but in the meantime, watch your children. What are they good at? What is the lovely? What is the beautiful? What is commendable? Think about these things and write them down. Repeat them to yourself, say them to your children. Give them a positive identity in who they are. Encourage them and build them up (1 Thess. 5:11).
A big part of this for me was just to slow down. I often run at a very fast pace. I have many things to accomplish in a day and as Austin would say, I’m a doer. I’m generally good at getting a job done and doing it well, but at what cost? Because I am a doer, work comes naturally to me, but rest and fun do not always. I have to slow down. I have to be intentional about playing that game of chess, turning on the music and dancing with those sweet ones, building a block tower on the floor. This came much easier to me when I only had little ones, but now with schoolwork and activities and a house of seven to manage, it’s easy for me to forget. It is so easy for me to miss out on all of this beauty and just let them play together while I work. But when I don’t take time to enjoy, to delight, to be a part of the beautiful and good, then I’m so much more prone to being frustrated and angry. I start to feel like all I do is work while they play and enjoy themselves. Bitterness rises within me and I have to stop and ask myself, who asked me to work all the time? My family would certainly rather that I not. God doesn’t expect it from me. It is simply something that I place on myself– and it hinders me from seeing the good and beautiful all around me in my home. Slow down. Cancel some of your “to do list.” Cut out an activity. Play that game. Build a tower. Read a book. Watch them. Delight in them.
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent, or praiseworthy think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8
Shift your focus to the lovely, the admirable, the excellent. Look for it, delight in it. As you do, I think you’ll notice that you become slower to anger, slower to speak, and quicker to hear (James 1:19). Focusing on the good melts away our frustration, our angst, and our worry and it replaces it with joy and delight. Today I pray that each of you are able to delight in your children, to see something you would have missed before, to call out the good and the beautiful.
